I've recently been contemplating the long-standing issues surrounding the use of the dummy. Before Jack was born, I had always thought that I would never use the dummy; I would never be one of those parents. It's very easy to judge others when you're not in the situation yourself. I had a lot of ideas about parenting before I actually became a parent. How things change! But, is the dummy actually a good idea? Is using the dummy lazy parenting or is the dummy your best friend? Are babies naturally sucky or are we making suckers out of our babies?
When we brought Jack home from the hospital, I tried a few times (pretty halfheartedly) to get Jack to settle himself to sleep, but he cried constantly and I couldn't stand hearing his cries (it's hard to be strong when you're so tired). At this point, I was eating my words. For a few weeks, I was having to rock and pat Jack to sleep. I decided that I couldn't keep doing this. I wanted to be able to put him down and go and do what needed to be done (especially go and sleep!). Seeing that I couldn't stand hearing Jack cry, out came the dummy (and the guilty feelings as well). Initially, the dummy seemed to work a treat. Jack settled quickly and was able to go to sleep without having to be rocked. But, if the dummy fell out, we would always have to get up and put it back in his mouth. This started to irritate me and Jack seemed to be taking longer than usual to get to sleep. Eventually, he'd fall asleep and then when he was due for his next feed, I'd have to wake him up to feed him.
Yesterday, I started to think that the dummy was actually causing Jack to not go to sleep easily. When I put him to bed and offered him the dummy, he didn't want it. I was not going to wait around for him to decide to want it. So, I left him to cry himself to sleep. I thought I'd give the self-settling technique a go. Surprisingly, Jack fell asleep within 20 minutes and then when I tried it again in the afternoon, he fell asleep in about 10 minutes! I was so excited and felt a great sense of achievement.
Last night (after having slept from 10pm to 3am), I put him down to sleep and he didn't even cry. Again, I was really excited by this, so much so, that I couldn't get back to sleep (I was half-expecting him to cry, thinking that it was too good to be true). Today, he's been taking about 5 - 10 minutes of crying to settle. At this stage, it seems that he's actually taking less time to fall asleep this way than when he was using the dummy. I find this interesting. I think I'll completely ditch the dummy now.
The dummy was really useful for when Jack is unsettled and when we want to 'pacify' him. I'll need to find something else to use at these times. Any suggestions?
3 comments:
better a dummy than a thumb. you can always take a dummy away from them when they get too old, but child services will get you if you try to take their thumbs.
Hi Bron,
Here are my thoughts to throw into the mix. Others will probably say the exact opposite!
If he is regularly going to sleep without the dummy but has one unsettled stage every so often when the dummy does help, then I wouldn't worry about giving it to him. If it doesn't help, don't use it.
I also wouldn't worry about waking him to feed him, especially if he's only just gotten to sleep. He'll wake when he's hungry! He'll be harder to settle later if he's too tired. This might throw the daily schedule out a bit, but its better to be flexible with that and let him sleep, in my opinion.
lots of love
I also think it was good to use the dummy when you did.... he was really unsettled and babies really need to sleep. I just don't think there's any point in that first month in them screaming. Yes, train them to self-settle, but if they're having trouble it's better for them to sleep than scream and if that means a dummy or being rocked, then that's OK.
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