I've recently been contemplating the long-standing issues surrounding the use of the dummy. Before Jack was born, I had always thought that I would never use the dummy; I would never be one of those parents. It's very easy to judge others when you're not in the situation yourself. I had a lot of ideas about parenting before I actually became a parent. How things change! But, is the dummy actually a good idea? Is using the dummy lazy parenting or is the dummy your best friend? Are babies naturally sucky or are we making suckers out of our babies?
When we brought Jack home from the hospital, I tried a few times (pretty halfheartedly) to get Jack to settle himself to sleep, but he cried constantly and I couldn't stand hearing his cries (it's hard to be strong when you're so tired). At this point, I was eating my words. For a few weeks, I was having to rock and pat Jack to sleep. I decided that I couldn't keep doing this. I wanted to be able to put him down and go and do what needed to be done (especially go and sleep!). Seeing that I couldn't stand hearing Jack cry, out came the dummy (and the guilty feelings as well). Initially, the dummy seemed to work a treat. Jack settled quickly and was able to go to sleep without having to be rocked. But, if the dummy fell out, we would always have to get up and put it back in his mouth. This started to irritate me and Jack seemed to be taking longer than usual to get to sleep. Eventually, he'd fall asleep and then when he was due for his next feed, I'd have to wake him up to feed him.
Yesterday, I started to think that the dummy was actually causing Jack to not go to sleep easily. When I put him to bed and offered him the dummy, he didn't want it. I was not going to wait around for him to decide to want it. So, I left him to cry himself to sleep. I thought I'd give the self-settling technique a go. Surprisingly, Jack fell asleep within 20 minutes and then when I tried it again in the afternoon, he fell asleep in about 10 minutes! I was so excited and felt a great sense of achievement.
Last night (after having slept from 10pm to 3am), I put him down to sleep and he didn't even cry. Again, I was really excited by this, so much so, that I couldn't get back to sleep (I was half-expecting him to cry, thinking that it was too good to be true). Today, he's been taking about 5 - 10 minutes of crying to settle. At this stage, it seems that he's actually taking less time to fall asleep this way than when he was using the dummy. I find this interesting. I think I'll completely ditch the dummy now.
The dummy was really useful for when Jack is unsettled and when we want to 'pacify' him. I'll need to find something else to use at these times. Any suggestions?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
The Right of Children to be Children
Well, I've started to read Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls, which I wrote about here. Last night (or, more accurately, this morning!) I read the preface, "The Right of Children to be Children", written by Noni Hazelurst. I found this really interesting. This has been an issue that I've often talked about with friends. It seems that children aren't being encouraged to be children (Melinda Tankard Reist showed a video clip, "Ruby Who?", which brought out this issue).
In "The Right of Children to be Children" Hazelhurst reflects on the last sixty years, starting the preface discussing the effect the Second World War had on women. Many women left the domestic life and entered into the work life as the men were at war and workers were needed to keep developing the industry. But, when the men returned, women had to return home and give their positions to the men. Hazelhurst notes that many women weren't too happy about this situation, so "a massive campaign was mounted to make being a little homemaker seem like an attractive and normal thing for women to aspire to." If you've seen the advertising of washing machines, irons, kitchen appliances, etc., from this period, you'll understand to what Hazelhurst is alluding. This new 'occupation' for women was reinforced through, "glittering new domestic appliances were dressed up as objects of desire in print, radio and television ads, television shows and films...".
Hazelhurst then comments on the rejection of these values in the 60s and 70s by the next generation as feminism came into the picture. Hazelhurst is quite cynical as she reflects on her own naivity at the time, "we honestly believed that we could give 50 per cent of the world's population the equality, independence and freedom that had been denied for too long...Like many young men and women in the seventies, I rejected media manipulation and rampant consumerism, and determined that my reality would be a construct chosen by me, not imposed by society's expectations and marketing ploys."
What I find really disturbing is that we are living in a post-feminism world. Theoretically, attitudes and values towards women should be better than they were, and they should be getting better. But, as I look around at society, I see that it's getting worse and worse. How did this happen? Hazelhurst picks up on this idea, "I think equality is further away than it's ever been. In fact the forces that we rebelled against have gained strength, and are more pernicious than ever." I couldn't agree more. I find that feminism has become a dirty word these days. Even the students I teach automatically respond very negatively towards feminism, or any idea that is remotely related to it. When I bring up ideas about gender stereotyping and getting students to challenging gender assumptions, I am automatically labelled a feminist.
Hazelhurst calls on us to not buy into the idea that "things have never been better because we have unprecented power and choice thanks to new paradigms and technologies." Hazelhurst argues that the evidence "that we are causing irreparable damage to our children" is prolific. Children "are bombarded on a daily basis with images and concepts that they are not able to assimilate, understand or contextualise." As a teacher, I see this happening all the time. Students are being exposed to such an adult world and they really have not got the skills to respond to this world appropriately. We expect them to be a lot more discerning, critical, savvy and mature than they are capable of being. They simply do not have the ability to navigate through these images and concepts (they think they do, but they don't). "If women are constantly and overwhlemingly portrayed as sex objects, helpless, simpering idiots, or dried-up old prunes, then that must be the way things are. The media focus on celebrity, sex, diet, wealth and plastic surgery, and the implication that these are the only things that count, is causing our kids' imaginations to atrophy."
Hazelhurst argues that children's imaginations are "dying", that "their sense of themselves as worthy, strong individuals who are valued because they are unique is constantly being undermined." I think that she has a valid point. This is a real concern for me. It challenges me as a teacher, and a (new) parent, to speak up about it and to be constantly questioning the values and attitudes that so many parts of society present as 'normal' and appropriate. I need to reassure and reaffirm my students that they are made in the image of God and that they have been wonderfully made by him.
In "The Right of Children to be Children" Hazelhurst reflects on the last sixty years, starting the preface discussing the effect the Second World War had on women. Many women left the domestic life and entered into the work life as the men were at war and workers were needed to keep developing the industry. But, when the men returned, women had to return home and give their positions to the men. Hazelhurst notes that many women weren't too happy about this situation, so "a massive campaign was mounted to make being a little homemaker seem like an attractive and normal thing for women to aspire to." If you've seen the advertising of washing machines, irons, kitchen appliances, etc., from this period, you'll understand to what Hazelhurst is alluding. This new 'occupation' for women was reinforced through, "glittering new domestic appliances were dressed up as objects of desire in print, radio and television ads, television shows and films...".
Hazelhurst then comments on the rejection of these values in the 60s and 70s by the next generation as feminism came into the picture. Hazelhurst is quite cynical as she reflects on her own naivity at the time, "we honestly believed that we could give 50 per cent of the world's population the equality, independence and freedom that had been denied for too long...Like many young men and women in the seventies, I rejected media manipulation and rampant consumerism, and determined that my reality would be a construct chosen by me, not imposed by society's expectations and marketing ploys."
What I find really disturbing is that we are living in a post-feminism world. Theoretically, attitudes and values towards women should be better than they were, and they should be getting better. But, as I look around at society, I see that it's getting worse and worse. How did this happen? Hazelhurst picks up on this idea, "I think equality is further away than it's ever been. In fact the forces that we rebelled against have gained strength, and are more pernicious than ever." I couldn't agree more. I find that feminism has become a dirty word these days. Even the students I teach automatically respond very negatively towards feminism, or any idea that is remotely related to it. When I bring up ideas about gender stereotyping and getting students to challenging gender assumptions, I am automatically labelled a feminist.
Hazelhurst calls on us to not buy into the idea that "things have never been better because we have unprecented power and choice thanks to new paradigms and technologies." Hazelhurst argues that the evidence "that we are causing irreparable damage to our children" is prolific. Children "are bombarded on a daily basis with images and concepts that they are not able to assimilate, understand or contextualise." As a teacher, I see this happening all the time. Students are being exposed to such an adult world and they really have not got the skills to respond to this world appropriately. We expect them to be a lot more discerning, critical, savvy and mature than they are capable of being. They simply do not have the ability to navigate through these images and concepts (they think they do, but they don't). "If women are constantly and overwhlemingly portrayed as sex objects, helpless, simpering idiots, or dried-up old prunes, then that must be the way things are. The media focus on celebrity, sex, diet, wealth and plastic surgery, and the implication that these are the only things that count, is causing our kids' imaginations to atrophy."
Hazelhurst argues that children's imaginations are "dying", that "their sense of themselves as worthy, strong individuals who are valued because they are unique is constantly being undermined." I think that she has a valid point. This is a real concern for me. It challenges me as a teacher, and a (new) parent, to speak up about it and to be constantly questioning the values and attitudes that so many parts of society present as 'normal' and appropriate. I need to reassure and reaffirm my students that they are made in the image of God and that they have been wonderfully made by him.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls
Melinda Tankard Reist has edited a book, "Getting Real: Challenging the Sexualisation of Girls." This book: "confronts and addresses the sexualisation and objectification of girls and women. Bringing together some of the most informed critics of this harmful cultural practice, it calls corporations, the media and the sex industry to account for creating a toxic environment that harms girls' health and threatens their wellbeing."
Children today are exposed to sexual imagery from their earliest years, to sex as a product and our bodies as commodities. Getting Real gives the mindlessness of this cultural misdirection a good shake.
- Tim Costello, CEO, World Vision Australia
Getting Real unflinchingly tracks the abuse that, with the pervasive penetration or pornography, becomes normal culture. Girls increasingly live in a world pornography has made. This book shows what needs to be stopped and why.
- Catherine A. MacKinnon, Elizabeth A. Long Professor of Law, University of Michigan Law School, and James Barr Ames Visiting Professor of Law, Harvard Law School.
I got a copy of this book and will try to start reading it soon. I'm hoping to share my thoughts about the book on my blog.
If you're interested in this topic, here are some more books to read:
Children today are exposed to sexual imagery from their earliest years, to sex as a product and our bodies as commodities. Getting Real gives the mindlessness of this cultural misdirection a good shake.
- Tim Costello, CEO, World Vision Australia
Getting Real unflinchingly tracks the abuse that, with the pervasive penetration or pornography, becomes normal culture. Girls increasingly live in a world pornography has made. This book shows what needs to be stopped and why.
- Catherine A. MacKinnon, Elizabeth A. Long Professor of Law, University of Michigan Law School, and James Barr Ames Visiting Professor of Law, Harvard Law School.
I got a copy of this book and will try to start reading it soon. I'm hoping to share my thoughts about the book on my blog.
If you're interested in this topic, here are some more books to read:
- The Body Project by Joan Jacobs Brumberg
- Reviving Orphelia
- Sex in Public: Women, Outdoor Advertising & Public Policy by Dr. Lauren R?
- What's Happening to Our Girls by Maggie Hamilton
Toxic Culture
Yesterday I went to Women's Katoomba Convention. I was able to listen to some great talks (I will endeavour to share my thoughts on these over the next few posts). Of particular interest was a talk presented by Melinda Tankard-Reist, entitled, "Toxic Culture: the Impact of the Media and Popular Culture on Girls and Young Women". This was a very challenging, gut-wrenching and thought-provoking talk. I have been very concerned about this issue for some time now and in the classroom, this is often one of my 'soap boxes'.
Melinda Tankard-Reist basically shared information and major concerns about how the media and popular culture is negatively impacting on girls. The main influence has been the extreme sexualisation of girls. I will share with you the main ideas that I found interesting from the Melinda Tankard-Reist's talk:
Melinda Tankard-Reist basically shared information and major concerns about how the media and popular culture is negatively impacting on girls. The main influence has been the extreme sexualisation of girls. I will share with you the main ideas that I found interesting from the Melinda Tankard-Reist's talk:
- The media and popular culture is reducing girls to stereotypes (girls aren't being challenged to question these stereotypes and the assumptions about gender)
- Of all the issues that young people face, body image is the number one concern (boys as well; body dissatisfaction is an increasing concern for males)
- With the increasing sexualisation of girls which is primarily occurring in advertising, clothing and magazines, there is a confusion of sexy and cute. These images are often blurred (which leads to the problem of pedophilia)
- The NATURAL female body has become despised. When shown images of women's breasts, a group of boys selected the cosmetically enhanced breasts as the most attractive and found natural and normal breasts really unattractive (this is connected to the images of women that boys are being exposed to, primarily in pornography. 100% of boys have seen pornography by age 15). Melinda Tankard-Reist gave the example of the picture book, "My Beautiful Mummy", which has been written for children in order to explain why Mummy has had plastic surgery.
- Through advertising, magazines, TV (especially music video clips) and clothing, girls are seen as service stations.
- Views of women and relationships are becoming distorted.
- Violence is being normalised and violence is becoming 'sexy'
- Women are being encouraged to hate each other (through envy and competition).
- A note for mothers with daughters - if you feel bad about yourself, your daughter will.
Friday, September 18, 2009
6 Weeks Today
Our lovely little boy is 6 weeks today. How the time has flown! It has been an incredible experience - very challenging, but very special at the same time. Jack is going really well. He's doing all the things he should be doing - sleeping, feeding, pooing, weeing, and being very cute.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Aunty Rachael
My sister, Rachael, recently came back to Australia for two weeks. It was so good to see her and it was especially good that she could see Jack (and give him lots of cuddles). I really enjoyed spending time with her, so it was really sad when she went back to Vanuatu. Fortunately, I'll see her again in December.
Sammy & Jack
I visited Mike and Katie the other day and I couldn't resist getting a photo of these two little ones. I'm hoping they'll grow to become really good friends.
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